Ghosts are for F.A.G.S.

My last comment at NGEWO's blog that was sort of about religion got me thinking about something that has been bugging me lately - ghosts. On Halloween, roughly 68 channels were playing some form of "ghost hunters" or ghost stories, and of course, my girl friend is one of millions who actually enjoy watching it and take it seriously. Watching ghost shows for me is like watching The Biggest Loser, mainly because I can't sit through the show without pointing out every little thing that is wrong or stupid, and laughing at the people involved. I 'tried' to watch an episode of one of the ghost shows, and all I saw was people running around in the dark and pretending they hear noises. Seriously, I could create one of these shows and make millions, just like the people who do this on TV. Honestly, they are geniuses because they are probably making bank by playing Americans for fools.

1. Assemble a "team" - who wants to join in with me?
2. Come up with a dumb acronym to make your team sound professional - I'm thinking F.A.G.S. (The Foremost Authority in Ghost Situations)
3. Buy thermal imaging devices, night vision goggles, cameras, and anything else you see in the "How to Find Ghosts For Dummies" book - I suppose I will need some investment
4. You probably want to either read up on some ghost stories and 'facts', or at least hire some loon who thinks they are an expert to consult with when making up shit - anyone know anybody? If you can't find one, I think watching other episodes of the ghost shows will suffice. Plus, you can always make up your own 'facts' and stupid people will believe them.
5. Find some abandoned locations you can film in - It helps to find a jail or insane asylum, at least for your pilot episode, but really any house/building will do. You can just make up a back story and pay some old guy to read a script you write about the 'history' of the place. No one fact checks these things, believe me.
6. Make sure to have a chick in your crew - I think most of the people who watch these shows are girls, and can relate to a girl that is scared better.

Okay, so now you are ready to begin filming:

7. Plant some props around the building you can make up shit about, then walk around in the daylight and point these out - You could break a window a say a crazy person tried to escape their murder here or something, really the possibilities are endless.
8. Have a pep talk with your team and discuss your 'mission', then head inside while it's dark. - Known Fact: Scary ghosts only appear when it is dark. Day ghosts are lame and probably just want to play with your cat or something.
9. Have at least one person planted in the building to drop rocks or knock on the walls - You could probably just add sound effects, but it makes it more believable if you hear something then react to it. It really is that easy to scare people.
10. Talk to the 'ghost' - By now you've made up some back story about some traumatic thing that happened there to somebody, so pretend like you feel their presence and tell them you are there to help. This is probably the most important step, and requires some acting ability. Be sure to have someone knocking in the background too to give the illusion the ghosts are listening.
11. At some point, get panicked and run out of the building - Not hard to do. You will probably be bored out of your mind and ready to pocket some cash.
12. Hire a good editor - I certainly know nothing about it, so you will need someone to add scary music and star wipes and the such.
13. Pitch your idea and filmed pilot to Fox - Instant millions!!