This week in the NFL gave us our first tie since 2002, and the first 11-10 game in history. Yes that's right, in case you didn't hear the first 842 times the media said it, the 11-10 finish was the first in history. That will go down as the most useless random statistic ever talked about for more than 5 seconds. Anyway, in light of Josh and Gideon's amazing trip - from what I've read at least - part of this week's rankings will be vacation themed - i.e. who is going, where, and why.
Onto the rankings:
1. Tennessee Titans - Vince Young. The "poster child" mobile quarterbacks are having a rough go at it: Culpepper, Tavaris Jackson, DeMarcus Russell, VICK, Young, etc. Of those who are still managing to start, their teams are 2-18. Throw in an aging McNabb who has probably 1 season left and David Garrard who can't bring the Jaguars over .500, and all you're left with is Chad Pennington, the slowest of unathletic QBs. IMO, the excitement surrounding the "slash" QB is quickly fading as coaches are learning that 1. NFL defenses are better than college defenses, and can easily contain running QBs, 2. QBs are meant to be PASSERS, so you better have a good arm and vision, and 3. QBs in college that dominated because of both their legs and arms aren't used to the change of pace in the NFL. Nearly every major prospect quarterback coming out of college next year is a pure passer (except Tebow), and I believe this may be a sign of things to come. That said, Vince needs to take a trip to Edmonton to get to know the locals, because that's where he'll most likely be playing 5 years from now.
2. New York Giants - Plaxico Burress. Anyone remember the Simpsons where Mr. Burns got a bunch of ringers for the company softball team, but inexlicably almost every player couldn't play, including Ozzie Smith who fell into a bottomless pit? Does anyone have directions to said pit?
3. Carolina Panthers - The entire organization. Charlotte. Wait, you're already there? Quit calling yourselves the "Carolina" Panthers. Let the baby Carolina get their own team...
4. Tampa Bay Bucs - The entire team. They already live in Tampa, do they need a vacation?
5. Indianapolis Colts - Peyton Manning. Playboy Mansion. How hilarious would it be to see Peyton on the Girls Next Door??
6. Pittsburgh Steelers - Ben Roethlisberger and the offensive line. A team-building retreat ala the Office, because if Ben loses one more game because of 13 deflating sacks, he may pull a gun on his line.
7. Arizona Cardinals - Edgerrin James. Heaven, because his career is dead. Or for those atheists out there, a local moritorium.
8. Dallas Cowboys - Tony Romo's pinky. Unknown location overseas. It better hide if that finger causes them to miss the playoffs...I can think of another place it could hide but you can just use your imaginations.
9. Washington Redskins - Jim Zorn. Tahiti. Spend your fat future contract somewhere nice Mr. Zorn.
10. Green Bay Packers - Aaron Rodgers. Anywhere warm. I mean, hasn't he earned that?
11. New York Jets - Brett Favre. Next year's cruise with Josh and Gideon, because doesn't he just seem like a fun guy to go drinking with?
12. Denver Broncos
13. New England Patriots - BenJarvis Green-Ellis. I don't know, but I mention his name any chance I get.
14. Baltimore Ravens
15. Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan. Michael Vick's prison cell, so he can thank him personally for handing the team and the title of "savior" of the city of Atlanta over to him.
16. Philadelphia Eagles - The team. Anywhere, because who the hell wants to be in Philadelphia?
17. Miami Dolphins
18. New Orleans Saints - The entire organization. London. They are undefeated there, and last time I checked, hurricanes are considered less hazardous.
19. Chicago Bears - Rex Grossman. Detroit. They need a quarterback, right?
20. Minnesota Vikings - Tavaris Jackson. Any other Canadian football team that Vince Young won't be on, unless Jackson couldn't even land a starting gig there either, then they could be buddies.
21. San Diego Chargers - Norv Turner. Anywhere a team needs an offensive coordinator, because time and again he's proved that's all he's good at.
22. Cleveland Browns - Romeo Crennel. A weight loss clinic. Did you see him trying to jump after they beat the Bills? I swear the guy has a negative inch vertical.
23. Buffalo Bills - The Entire Organization. Oh Canada, my something something something...
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
25. Houston Texans
26. Kansas City Chiefs
27. Seattle Seahawks - Mike Holmgren. Canton, Ohio. Just call it a career already and quit while you're still barely ahead...
28. San Francisco 49ers - Alex Smith. Wait, is he even on the 49ers anymore?
29. Cincinatti Bengals - The whole team. Disney World, because they are undefeated in November!
30. St. Louis Rams
31. Oakland Raiders - Al Davis. 4 feet deep in the Mojave Desert. I'm sure most of Oakland would love to drive him there.
32. Detroit Lions - Calvin Johnson. Hawaii, because they should just let him relax until next season. He's the only good player on the team and the last thing they need is an injury...
MVP Watch
1. Kurt Warner (Clear cut favorite)
2. Drew Brees
3. Adrian Peterson
4. Clinton Portis
5. Peyton Manning
6. Aaron Rodgers
7. Michael Turner
8. Philip Rivers
9. Jay Cutler
10. Kerry Collins
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1 comment:
did week 10 happen twice? how very odd...
I think they should just put the Lions in the Big Ten so we can have a conference championship...they would probably finish in the top 3, right?
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